A day in the life of a real person

Worst Mom EVER!!!

To be completely honest, I’ve heard this comment way too frequently as the mother of a five-year-old. It started sometime this past fall…

We were a happy, angerless family and I suddenly snapped. Not drown the kids in the tub snapped…I’m not crazy. But something in me sparked anger and I seem to raise my voice more than I should. E developed his own attitude in preschool, and L…well L has never done anything she doesn’t want to do, even as an infant.

Last year I struggled emotionally for reasons unknown…no wait, I know. In my personal life I lost my grandpa and attended only the second funeral since my own child’s. That was a year ago. Then I lost all faith in the innocence of being a child. There were two students at our school that died by suicide. The day before their deaths, one sat on the bench by my desk and carried a conversation with me. At 13, these girls thought the only way for their lives to get better was to end them. This past summer so many of my friends experienced pain and anguish I lost even more faith in anything good in this world.

So back to why I’m the worst mom EVER…

I started to crack down on talking back, acting out and whining…and the kids did not like that. I found myself snapping at the kids more, giving more time outs, and a lot more long talks (E just calls them bed talks because we do them on his bed).

About a month before Christmas we were discussing what we all wanted Santa to bring. E’s response? “Better parents” not kidding. I sat in the recliner and cried for 2 hours.

Around post-Christmastime, I found myself yelling at and arguing with my 5-year-old more than I ever thought possible. I seem to have it under better control now, but still find my patience short some evenings.

After the Santa conversation, E learned just what hurts my feelings and pushes my buttons. Last Friday I once again took back the worst Mom crown when I dropped E off at preschool, on pajama day, in jeans and a polo. Now, the night before he and I argued about whether or not Friday was pajama day. Apparently I didn’t go back far enough in the emails from his teacher. It was, in fact, pajama day. Worst Mom EVER!!!!

Tonight I was reminded of my title once again when I didn’t allow him to watch TV, asked for him to pick up his toys, and made orange chicken and rice (which is apparently the most disgusting food EVER!), and didn’t make chocolate shakes for dessert. If you don’t eat all of your supper, no dessert.

So as I walk up to the mic, here is my acceptance speech…ahem…

I’d like to thank my children for making this all possible. I’d also like to thank my mom and dad for caring enough to make me a respectful adult that expects the same from others. I’d also like to remind my children that I’m not going anywhere and that I will always get on your case if you disrespect others, talk back, and are plain-old mean. Do you know why? Because I am your Mom, and that’s my job. And because I will do anything to make sure you have the chance to be the “best person EVER!!”

~ab

A brief comment

Honestly, I don’t think I’ve ever been brief when it comes to comments…but I’ll try, simply because I have to go back to work. 

My son, E, has the most amazing preschool teacher I have ever met.  Her name is Mrs. S.  Mrs. S goes above and beyond when it comes to connecting with her students and their families, as well as ensuring the student’s success. 

They recently started kindergarten readiness activities.  This class is all older students - it’s designed for the kids that aren’t quite old enough for kindergarten, but are older than a lot of the kids in their class.  E’s birthday is on September 9th…9 days after the cut off.  Not to brag, but he’s also extremely intelligent.  E tested at a first grade level at the beginning of the school year.  I was disappointed when I looked at the activities they have to do with their homework coupons…the only one that is a challenge is tying shoes. 

When I picked my kids up from daycare today (more on our daycare when I have more time to rant and vent) they had homework coupons, too. 

Mrs. S knows that our family has been struggling lately.  On January 11th we marked the 6 year anniversary of our oldest dying, then on the 19th L had surgery and spent the next week recovering.  I found out this past Friday, from E, that I am “the worst mom EVER” because I didn’t believe him when he told me that it was pajama day at school. 

Mrs. S sent a “thinking of you” card home on Friday.  This woman, whom we’ve known since the end of August, felt it in her heart to reach out to us and let us know that she was thinking of us through all that we’re going through in our home this month. 

Wow…love Mrs. S!! 

~ab

The end is here…

For the past 3 years or so my son, E, has thought he was a “super secret agent spy” named Chuck. E is only 5 now, so over half his life he has had an alter-ego. It all started just before L was born.

We used to allow E to stay up late and watch TV with us. This is when it began…E was introduced to the show “Chuck” on NBC. Tonight…the series is ending. I suppose it had to happen someday as even “Friends” came to an end. As I sit here watching the series finale, the boy is curled up with his daddy in the chair, just like he has for the past 3 years, while we watch the end.

If you’ve never seen the show, here’s a brief rundown… Chuck Bartowski is the leader of the “Nerd Herd” at the Burbank, CA “Buy More” (think Geek Squad at Best Buy, complete with dorky uniforms). His college buddy calls him to fix a computer and a series of images flashes on the screen and enters itself into Chuck’s brain (the intersect). The FBI sends their hottest bombshell agent, Sarah, to be Chuck’s handler (babysitter) and convince him he’s a secret agent/spy in training. Chuck adopts the name Charles Carmichael as his spy name and in the process of learning his undercover job, falls in love with Sarah. I realize this all sounds pretty corny as I write it out, but it really is an entertaining show… Chuck is a hopeless fool that has the ability (because of the intersect) to fight super human body builder types without breaking a sweat. All the while, unable to actually kill someone, Chuck’s weapons are random items and tranquilizer guns instead of real guns and leathal force.

My husband and I started watching this show while I was pregnant with L. I was a wreck during that whole pregnancy. I was paranoid that when she was born that the same thing would happen to her that happened to N. This show gave me comic relief when I most needed it. It was on while I slept on the couch and dreamed of the baby that once was and the baby that was still to be. It was on the Tv in our room at the hospital when L was born. It was what E and I cuddled to when my husband worked late. It was the comic relief that inspired my son’s amazing imagination.

Like I said, tonight it comes to an end. I know that my son will always think he can be a super secret agent spy which, in my mind, says that he can do or be anything. I know that L will always think that she, too, could be a spy like Sarah and offer her heart to some lost, confused, happy-go-lucky guy that thinks he can save the world no matter if he truly is a spy or a member of the Nerd Herd.

I do understand and know that the show is too old for a 3 and 5 year old, but I know that my children understand the bigger message in the show…whether there is an intentional message or not.

Thank you Chuck Bartowski, Charles Carmichael, John Casey, Sarah, Ellie, Awesome, Morgan, Jeff and even Lester…after 5 years of you coming into my home weekly, I will miss your presence on NBC.

~ab

Must Read…before you see

For those that have no idea what “The Hunger Games” is, you need to read the book before you see the movie.  This is a book that made me re-think the world we live in and what it can become…

http://youtu.be/SMGRhAEn6K0 

Me…in a crumbling nutshell

As a 30-something (officially this past summer), I have found that this is the time that most people sit back, evaluate where their life has been, and figure out where their life is going.  No, this is not my mid-life crisis…that would mean I’m only going to live to 60, and I’m hoping to last significantly longer than that.  I find that some don’t understand what makes me, me…and why I have the goals I do. 

My dad (who is turning 60 in April) frequently tells me that you don’t always need to know what you’re going to do with the rest of your life.  At 60, he says he’s still unsure what he wants to do for a living (oddly enough he’s been a farmer for 60 years).  So, here’s me, in a crumbling nutshell…from the beginning…

Born in a bathtub…not kidding…

Raised on a farm in the very rural midwest.  If you’ve seen Little House on the Prairie, you have a slight clue as to what I grew up with…literally.  

Typical American family - older sister, younger brother…that makes me the middle child.  I agree with the average American family and the 2.5 children stereotype - the little brother counting as the .5 at this time (and likely always). 

I grew up in the church.  My mother was raised Baptist, my father was raised Lutheran, I was raised Methodist.  In the tiny town I grew up in, Methodist wasn’t the ”cool” demonination, but I was eager to make it cool.  I went to church camp every summer, wore my crosses during the school year, and carried my Bible from class to class.  I wasn’t weird, but I was different.  I didn’t preach, but I had an opinion. 

My secondary class graduated 40 students, I was ranked 18th with a 3.89 GPA.  My “best friends” numbered 13 girls and 12 boys.  Guess who the one without the boyfriend was?  Yep, me.  My boyfriend in high school lived in another small town, 60 miles away.  But, where I lived, that’s considered close. 

In high school I wrote boohoo poetry.  I look back at it now and wonder what the hell I was thinking…and why no one had me committed to the psych ward.  Nowadays poetry like that would land kids on a mental health hold at the local hospital. 

When I graduated high school I was determined to solve the problems of the world…only to end up transferring colleges 3 times before finally getting my degree in Speech Communication.  Yep, that’s a usable degree.

I landed in my last college because I followed my boyfriend of 2 months.  He graduated college the year I graduated high school.  And now he’s my husband.  :) 

We’ve been married for 8 years, and not a day goes by that I don’t tell him I love him.  He’s amazing, and I don’t know where, or what I would be if not for him.  (cheesy I know, but true)

2005 is when life started to spiral…I was gaining weight like I was going to hibernate for the winter, and then I got pregnant.  Yes, we were trying, but it was still a bit of a shock. 

N (I’m not using my kids’ real names, just first initials) was born in May of ’05, and died in January of ‘06.  My world ended that day.  SIDS is an awful, terrible, horrific thing…and I hate it. 

Little did I know I was pregnant with E when N died.  7.5 months later…a boy (N was a girl).  2 years after that, another girl - L - the true challenge.  You’ll read a lot about L if you choose to read this.  She is a challenge every day, but an angel when she wants to be…by the way, if she doesn’t want to be, she won’t be.  You will not make her do anything she doesn’t want to do.  She’s 3, going on 13.

I finally have the job I’ve always wanted - working in a public school, but not as a teacher.  I’m an administrative assistant for two Middle School principals.  It may not sound like a dream job, but it’s my dream job.  I get the troubled and naughty kids in my office, and then I had them off to get yelled at by a principal.  And I don’t have to grade anything. 

In addition to my husband, kids and job, I struggle with my weight…I remember when I was in 7th grade, my pediatrician tried to get my mom to put me on the SlimFast diet.  Thank you doc…my mom actually tried it.  She couldn’t figure out why I only lost 5 pounds that entire summer.   

I’m not huge, persay…but I’m not skinny, and according to the BMI chart I am obese.  I’m working on it.  Currently on round 4 of Weight Watchers…and down 7 pounds in 4 weeks…why does everything take so damn long? 

I am no longer the Bible-banging child I once was.  I have an opinion about that now, and it is significantly different than it was when I was in high school. 

I still don’t know where my life is heading…if it’s headed anywhere, or if I’m just going to be ‘stuck’ where I currently am…which isn’t so bad, really. 

I’m never short on opinions, sarcasm, or stories.  Be prepared for a bumpy ride through my life…

~ab